He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
