now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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