You're my little dorito
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
