I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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