I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
