put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
