I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just gargled with NyQuil
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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