yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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