Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
