I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He shit in the fireplace
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