I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
