Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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