On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
