No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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