She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Acid is not a monday night drug
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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