***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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