so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
