I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
