Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
