We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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