You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just pee around me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
