Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
