meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
