since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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