The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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