You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
