I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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