I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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