opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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