Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
