Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
