His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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