you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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