Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
