Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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