ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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