hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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