Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
