I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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