The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
