anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
