I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
