I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌