Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.