weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!