im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dick very happy bro
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...