So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
