i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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