there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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