HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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