I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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