i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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