The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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