If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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