quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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