Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
