ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
