He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
