Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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