Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
