Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
