I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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