I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
