what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
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you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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