I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
