He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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