hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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