I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
