Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
